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Let The Sexy Dancing Begin!

17th February 2016

Model is reading Mary Wollstonecraft’s iconic feminist tome A Vindication Of The Rights Of Women.

The big girl is doing tumbling this year, which she loves, and her class follows directly on from a dance class. Lots of the kids do both classes in a row, and Peanut has been asking to do dancing as well.

I had said no, but I’m wavering after catching the end of the routine they are learning this week. It was just so delightfully erotic and fun! Now I don’t know about you but I think there’s just not enough sexiness in the pre-teen dance scene. If my nine year old is going to do dancing, I want her learning sassy, flirty numbers. Forget backflips and contemporary routines. That’s old hat. I want her strutting across the stage, twerking and pointing her fingers accusingly at the audience with a sulky and arrogant expression.

It helps that the music is so cool! It was so fun watching the whole room of pre-pubescent girls dance to the lyrics ‘I don’t want to go to school, I just want to break the rules.  Going to the discoteque, getting high and getting wrecked’.


Fingers crossed the girls will be dressed in some slutty-schoolgirl attire, like Britney did. That sexy schoolgirl stuff was awesome for Britney before it caused her to shave her head and suffer a massive emotional breakdown. Maybe I’ll offer to help with the costuming.

I think it would be very dramatic and show-bizzy if the girls started in clean and tidy sexy-uniforms before the part where they dance about getting wasted in nightclubs. Then they can rip off the skirts, and show the vomit and incontinence stains on their dance tights. The lighting should really evoke a party-drug feel, and maybe there’s room for dance that expresses  bad sexual decisions made while intoxicated. Perhaps a morning-after- remorse moment?

I’ll be signing Peanut up straight away. She’s nine after all, and it’s really about time she started absorbing all these important  lessons about her feminine worth and value!

ps - here’s what I’d like Peanut to be learning: some hard-core moves of glory. Check out Tom Jones and Janis from 1969, and clock the dancing in the background. Potential spinal injury, sure. But Funkymeter set to 11. Rest in peace Janis, you legend.

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