Interesting People: Jo Thornely

Jo Thornely has always been ahead of her time. Twenty years ago we worked together in a record shop by day and played pool by night. We were arts students, constantly cracking jokes, but Jo was always the sharpest (matched only by her twin Shelley). She even kept a notebook in which she’d write down good gags, which is both fabulous and really nerdy.

In short, Jo was made for Twitter. Today, she’s agreed to tell us a little about how it feels to be famous, smell a Jackson and possess exceptional buttocks.

Jo, You are a modern celebrity.

 I’m not really that modern.

I’ll go on. Famous for the pithy sentences that you dish out on the Twitter -

I thank you for the generosity of calling them ‘sentences’.

You’re welcome. Do you feel that your quips, your epigrams or your bon mots are your best work?

I think that by far my best work would be looking up all those words in the dictionary.

 Would you ever branch into erotic haiku? 

Boob Boob Titty Boob

Vagina Penis Humping

We’re Going To Hell

Very nice. Jo, how does internet celebrity impact on everyday life?

It’s really hard to digest gold-plated corn flakes, but I make do. One time when I was having my name put on the mailing list at my local bookshop, the girl looked up when I told her my name and said “Like, Jo Thornely from Twitter?”. I stayed really cool, said “yes”, hugged her, cried, told everyone I knew and got a tattoo about it. Also people send you messages asking you to write stuff for them for money. It’s horrible. Also I have a birthmark on the top of my head that looks a little bit like a nipple, but that’s probably not important here.

Have you ever gotten full or partial sex as a direct result of your celebrity?

Yes. I represent better online than I do in real life (except for my buttocks, which I hope you ask me about later), and there seems to be a small nookie market for sassy sarcastic bitches who are terrible at Frisbee. And I hope I understand your intended delineation between ‘full’ and ‘partial’ sex. Assuming you mean www.mindanews.com/buy-amoxil/ ‘with all your clothes off’ and ‘just a little bit of the way in’ respectively? Let’s go with that.

You must have met a lot of famous people now that you are a celebrity.

That depends on your definition of ‘lot’, ‘famous’, ‘now’ and ‘celebrity’. 

What is the dirtiest, most inflammatory,potentially litigious secret that you have learned?

Jermaine Jackson smells incredible. INCREDIBLE. Like new-car leather from a cow that only ate gardenias.  I’m not even joking.

 I can relate to that. I once hung out with Rikki Rocket from Poison and every time he spoke to me I was engulfed in a mane that smelled like hairspray, tobacco and sperm. The sense memory is still strong. But back to you Jo. Are celebrities really shorter in real life?

Celebrities are actually all different heights since they changed the laws. 

And are you shorter now as a result of your celebrity?

No, but I’m way, way more shallow. 

Does the word ‘celebrity’ start sounding weird to you if you say it a lot? Celebrity. Celebrity. Celery. Pebbles. Lebrity. Bebby.

Yes, but not as much as ‘thwart’ does.

When you were first asked to be one of Kochie’s angels, did you think ‘This is it! I have made the big time. Break out the Lindemans!’

I wondered what I was going to wear, because of course on the internet you can be nude or dressed for cowboy work or ballet, but on the real life televisions they’re pretty thingy about pants. 

Was there another moment when you realised you were leaving ‘ordinary’ life behind?

Rach, you, my sister and I once made up a song about University Of Sydney Christians dry-humping for Jesus, and also did a version of ‘You Are My Sunshine’ in three part nose-harmony. I’d be quite curious to know what you consider an ordinary life.

Yeeeeeees…  good times indeed. Jo, It’s no secret that you have a bum like two puppies fighting under a blanket. 

THERE IT IS 

Do you think that your abnormally pert buttocks contributed to your celebrity or is is really based on your phenomenal wit? 

Oh, buttocks. No question. 

Thanks Jo! I feel enlightened and dirty at the same time.

You can follow Jo on Twitter here. You really should.