My seven year old Peanut really likes Girl Guides. In fact she told me yesterday that she plans to do Junior Guides, then Guides, then Senior Guides, then Dead Guides, then Zombie Guides. So, right the way through, which is nice.
Recently Peanut and her little friend A participated in a ‘market stall’ night, where all the girls set up tables ad sold items for twenty cents. Peanut and A spent the afternoon making cards. A, an impressive kid, wrote up Shakespearean quotes. Peanut found a book I had unearthed at the op shop called ‘The Insult Dictionary’, which outlined ways to be creatively abusive in French, German, Italian and Spanish, and she lavishly decorated a few insult cards. They wondered whether to charge the other Guides twenty cents to be insulted, but in the end she and A decided that whenever anybody bought a card, they would stand up and insult them for free.
They were very excited, but at pick-up, Peanut was deflated. The other stalls all had lollies on them. How could a card that read ‘Was this omelette made with terodactyl eggs?’ compete with a bag of snakes?
I sympathised, and then I paid her to insult me instead. It’s my birthright as her mother.
Here, for you, a few choice epithets:
Keep your wandering paws to yourself.
French: Vous avez fini de me peloter!
German: Horen sie mal mit der fummelie auf!
Italian: Tenga le mani a posto.
Spanish: Guarde sus peznas para otra occasion.
Let your ghastly children pee on your feet, not mine.
French: Dies-done a vos mioches d’aller faire leur petit pipi ailleurs que sur mes jambes! Qu’ils fassent ca sur vous, pas exemple!
German: Lassen sie ehre kinder gefalligst uf ihre fusse und nicht auf miene pineln.
Italian: Faccia fare pipi ai suoibambini sui suoi piedi, non sui miei.
Spanish: Digales a esos mocosos que pisen sus pies, no los mios.
German: Doofes gestell!
Repulsive, foul-smelling layabout!
French: Repugnant voyou!
German: Widerlicher lump!
Italian: Ribbutante vagabondo puzzolente!
Other word nerd posts you might like: